East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
