dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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