I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
