So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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