I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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