Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
