I'm so fucking centered right now
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
