Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
