smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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