I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
