So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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