I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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