Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
