last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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