i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
