Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
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