Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i think my cat just said my name.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
