Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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