Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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