If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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