Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
