When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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