i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
