please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
