Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he wants to bone in the snuggie
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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