If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
