I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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