She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
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so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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