Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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