I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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