i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
