talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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