Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
