he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
