she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
