she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
