We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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