My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
