even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
