we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
