he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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