Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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