i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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