anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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