So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
