Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
