i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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