well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
