i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
