It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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