I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
