note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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