Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
