I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
