I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
