come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
